Cereal is that weird food that manages to be just as appetizing no matter what time of day you eat it. As a kid you probably at the brightest colored and most sugary cereal that you could get your parents to buy. Cereal has been the staple of American breakfast food for decades and General Mills just announced it will be bringing back French Toast Crunch, which hasn’t been sold in 8 years. But what about all the other discontinued cereal?
Fruit Brute (1974-1983)
There was a time when Halloween was a really big deal for kids and everybody wanted in on it. Thus, Fruit Brute (and his friends) were born. General Mills debuted Fruit Brute, a werewolf themed cereal, in 1975 and it was instantly a hit. Fruit Brute consisted of fruity flavored cereal and lime flavored marshmallows (yuck). It was officially discontinued in 1982 and disappeared for 21 years until it was relaunched in 2013, this time with cherry flavored cereal. It quickly discontinued again in 2014 because kids realized lime marshmallows are gross.
Banana Frosted Flakes (1981-1984)
Sugar frosted bananas are probably pretty good but I’m not so sure about banana flavored corn flakes. In 1981 this cereal was launched with Tony the Tiger’s seal of approval saying, “My new Kellog’s Banana Frosted Flakes have real appeal!” It would seem that appeal was short lived because the cereal was discontinued just 3 years later. Sorry Tony, real banana slices can’t be replaced.
Ice Cream Cones (1987)
What’s better than ice cream for breakfast? Absolutely nothing, if you are a 10 year old kid! General Mills rolled out Ice Cream Cones in 1987 in chocolate vanilla or chocolate chip ice cream flavors. Unfortunately this awesome cereal idea was discontinued the same year it debuted, probably because parents didn’t want their kids to eat any kind of ice cream thing for breakfast. It was brought back shortly in 2003 to celebrate the 100 year anniversary of the actual ice cream cone but it got discontinued again. Sorry kids.
Nerds (1985)
Yeah, there are some cereals on this list that sound completely awful and this is one of them. The cereal was divided into two compartments, much like the candy, and offered in two combinations (orange/grape & strawberry/grape). The boxes included a box of nerds and send away mailers to get your own “Two sided Nerds Bowl” with the “Nerd Gate”. Basically you fill the bowl up with cereal on both sides and lift the gate to let the milk and cereal mix. Turns out kids liked the candy more than the “tangy” cereal and it failed, never to be seen again.
Grins & Smiles & Giggles & Laughs (1976)
I’m betting this cereal failed because of the name…or maybe the creepy way it was marketed to kids? The cereal itself was you basic sugary cereal flavor but the mascot was a computer named Cecil who expelled said cereal from its mouth opening when its funny bone was tickled. Basically, you were made to think you were eating computer vomit. But hey, the boxes came with magnets!
Freakies (1972-1976)
Ah, I really do wish that I could have lived in a time where there were endless amounts of monster themed cereal. As a 90s kid I cereal really hasn’t changed much since I was a kid, we have the same cereal that we ate as kids. Freakies didn’t have any crazy flavor associated with them but they were marketed as one of the first “Ready-to-eat” (RTE) cereals. Basically, they came pre-sweetened and didn’t need any other prep. But the most appealing part of the cereal was the seven creatures that lurked within. The mythology went that the creatures were in search of the legendary Freakies Tree that grew said cereal. When they found it they decided to live in and that’s where the creatures were always portrayed in commercials.
Mr. T (1984)
If the 80s were good at just one thing, it was taking any pop culture icon and making a cereal out of it. In 1984 Rocky III was 2 years old and The A-Team was at the height of television history, thus the Mr. T cereal was born. The cereal itself was a sort of Capn’ Crunch flavor with each piece shaped like a “T”. In 1985 the cereal made an appearance in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure but it would seem it hasn’t been seen since.
Urkle-O’s (1991)
Adding “o’s” to the end of anything is a sure fire way to get a cereal made. So two years after Family Matters had become prime time programming, Ralston rolled out Urkle-O’s in Strawberry and Banana flavors and was marketed with the completely un-thrilling promotion that the cereal was a “fun, circle-shaped product”. If that doesn’t spell excitement, I don’t know what does.
Sir Grapefellow (1972)
In the early 70s General Mills released a cereal featuring a British WWI pilot named Sir Grapefellow. His cereal was grape flavored with grape flavored marshmallows. Sir Grapefellow’s greatest rival was Baron von Redberry, another cereal, and they were often shown quibbling over who was the best. Turns out, exclusively grape cereal wasn’t really all that appetizing and Sir Grapefellow flew off the shelves forever.
Crunchy Loggs (1978-1979)
I don’t tend to enjoy fruity cereals (except Fruity Pebbles) so the idea of a log shaped, strawberry cereal is quite unappealing to me. The mascot for this cereal was Bixby the beaver who taught children nothing about how beavers actually handle logs…or that “logs” only uses one “g”. That aside, in some boxes you could find a Quiz Kid Calculator. Doesn’t that sound fun? Math and misspelled log cereal?
Mr. Wonderfull’s Surprize (1970s)
Thank you 1970s cereal for making kids fail Spelling Bees everywhere. I don’t believe this cereal failed because of its taste. The cereal itself primarily came in chocolate and would contain a creamy chocolate filling in each bite. No, I believe the failure here was in simple in the name. It’s creepy, creepy name.
Quake (1965-1972)
Quake is the oldest cereal on this list and actually had a pretty good run as far as cereal goes. It was created by Quake Oats in 1965 and was described as “wonderful wheelies of corn and oats… buzzin’ with honey and bustin’ with earthquake power.” The pieces were shaped like gears and had a taste akin to Cap’n Crunch. The problem here was not with the cereal itself but with its mascot, Quake. He started out as a burly miner but proved a little too intimidating so the company traded him out with a cowboy hat wearing, thinner version of him. But in 1972 customers were asked to vote on their favorite cereal character, whichever one lost would get discontinued. Quake inevitably lost and became another in the long line of lost cereals.
Ghostbusters Cereal (1985)
Remember when I mentioned franchises using cereal to market their shows and movies? The last few cereals on this list are all about the marketing! In 1985 Ghostbusters were already a smash hit so cereal was the obvious choice. The cereal included marshmallow ghosts, fruity O’s, and glow in the dark Slimer marshmallows. This was just the first in 3 Ghostbusters themed cereal, one for each movie and one for the animated TV show. Here’s hoping we get a new box for the upcoming 3rd movie!
Nintendo Cereal System (1988-1989)
This is my second favorite cereal on this list (I saved the best for last) and sadly I never got to eat any of it. But in 1988 Ralston Cereals brought every kid’s favorite breakfast together with the hit videogame system, the Nintendo. Each box came with two bags of cereal; one for Super Mario Bros and one for The Legend of Zelda. Each bag contained important characters or objects from the games in delicious cereal pieces. Each box came with a sticker and twelve Nintendo “Power Cards”. You can still buy boxes of this stuff if you want to spend $100 on Ebay.
Batman Cereal (1989-1990)
Christopher Nolan thinks too highly of himself to let his movies be made into cereal but in 1989 Tim Burton couldn’t have cared less. Cereal shaped like bat symbols would surly get kids begging their parents to buy them, and they did! Some boxes even included a plastic Batman collectible bank!
Gremlins Cereal (1984)
I said I saved the best for last because I’m a huge fan of Gremlins. This is the ultimate tie in that I’m really bummed about missing. Each piece was made to look like Gizmo, though mostly looked like Teddy bears, and you could even get your own Gizmo plushy with proof of purchase. And of course, each box came with its own sticker! With enough boxes you could collect all 11 stickers. Excuse me while I go search Ebay for a box of this awesome cereal.